screw unhappy thoughts!!!

i took a bite of the cholocate in my hand,
standing by the balcony on the19th floor,
a bird's eye view of sunway,
overlooking the lights in KL city.
despite the chocolate,
i feel empty.

as the lights of the city plays in my eyes,
i long for the quiet nights of the town,
of my hometown,
where there is less lights,
more comfort.

i hate fast-paced life,
due dates for assignments,
the burden to do better,
the lack of room for creativity,
and rest.

in my mind,
i paint a perfect picture of serenity,
with my beloved ones,
in the vicinity of home.
i don't feel stress,
there is no great expectations of me.

i miss home sooooo much.
i hate having to deal with assignment due dates and my insecurity to do my best in the upcoming presentation. i hate having to crack my already stressed out brain for an idea for a personal profile. at this moment i would like to curse and curse and curse! shit shit shit

now i understand why people jump from buildings. it is not the thought of dying, it is the thought of throwing everything behind in the one action of jumping down. in a way it is like flying. throw away all unhappiness behind, let your soul fly, without constraints.

damn those tears. i need a hug. i am so emo i should stick my head in the rubbish bin. a very smelly one.

to hell with assignments and presentations. i despise u all.

i guess it's time for a cheese sandwich. iduncareiamfatanyway.

I+U=WE

she likes him by her side,
she likes the way he laughs,
she likes the way his hand tightly holds on to hers,
she likes the twinkle in his eyes,
she likes the wrinkle of his nose,
she likes his messy hair,
she likes his perfect ears,
she likes the way he needs someone to talk to while driving,
she likes to watch him animated with happiness,
she likes to hear him tell her about his day,
she likes the way he wears his slippers sloppily,
she likes the look on his face when she tickles his ribs,
she likes that he calls her every night,
she likes that he always replies her sms-es,
she likes that he put her as his priority,
she likes his neat fingernails,
she likes to be by his side,
she likes the way he loves her.
she likes the I and U and WE

she loves him.

the red of rose,
the blue of morning glory,
the yellow of sunflower,
the purple of bougainvillea,
the green of grass,
the white of clouds,
they all seem prettier with you around.

dear

that was the best dinner i had in sunway. altho i was so sick inside, seeing you for 3 hours tonight makes me feel warm and better.

i saw your car leave, out of sight and i cried. i wish we could just stay together forever, never to have to stand the agonizing pain of being apart again. in another 4 hours, we'll be 300km apart, and it hurts me, alot.

my phone rang. i read your message, and i replied. i blinked back my tears. i tell you i love you. yes, you said you love me love me too. but then i failed, and they came rolling down. my heart aches for you...i miss you already.

i love u...drive home safely.

down

being sick is no fun.
i seriously need an extension for jrn.

20

i am now officially two decades, one day and 22hours old. ili called me yesterday after coming back from my birthday-shopping spree with mum and sis and asked "how do you feel turning 20?" honestly i feel nothing, just the slight reminder to myself that i am perhaps 3 or 4 decades away from menopause, sagging breasts (and butt) and jiggling fats. yes, how sad:(

anyway, celebration with family started on 11th april, went to this seafood restaurant near his house (minus him*sobs*) for dinner. had crab fried in salted eggyolk!! the rest are unimportant. oh i love the dessert -- chilled taufufah (more like jellied taufufah) with longan! just perfect to wash down the heavy and filling taste of the crab. magnifique!

crab fried in salted eggyolk. delish!

on the day, went for my birthday-shopping spree the best part:) lingered in f21 for over an hour, trying on clothes, and finally settling on a black draped-front cardigan. i bought for myself using granma's angpau, a red-white checkered scarf and an 8buck necklace! it was previously rm29 ohmygod!

"cheeeeeeaaaap mummmmm!!" was all i hear myself shouting. oh and things like "stress! duno which one to choose!!!" yes i had a nervous breakdown when mum and sis almost left me alone in f21. but i had to choose something, right? i wouldn't do myself justice leaving without any of those enormously discounted necklaces.

i wanted earrings, but nah they all looked like what i had. mygod was i insane in there:) now i am happy. yes, i am that shallow. hah

then had dinner at my (our) fave tomyam mee stall in sungai rambai. it costs only 15.20 and i said to him "you are lucky your girlfriend only wants roadside tomyam mee." i secretly wanted secret recipe. i ate like no-one's business. and he gave me a cake recipe book! love it! gonna be busy experimenting them on him *grins* you said so yourself:)

so that was how i celebrated my birthday, with the things and people i love. things being food and shopping, people being my dearest family and you:)

many thanks to those who remembered all the way from aussie and nyc.

i love u i love u i love u

gawd

i love u♥

gorgeousness

I WANT ALL OF THESE!!! *screams her lungs out*

all pics credited to forever21.com

i am gonna be so broke :( the earrings are drop-dead gorgeous. there are a few more things that i want that i copied-and-pasted onto this file of mine, namely what else? -- therapy. ugh faster holiday lah! i like the thrill i get when i try out new stuff and that it suits me perfectly:)

"mommy, can we go shopping?" *grins broadly*

ohmygosh i am so out of breath now!!!

shopaholic reinstated:]

joy and its juxtaposition

ftv sux today:( i hate femme fatale to the bone. hands down, city of god! wait! just that i don't like ftv today doesn't mean i want to flunk my ftv assignment kay?! bless my 25% *crosses fingers and pray*

oh well at least there are still somethings worth looking forward to

counting down:
5 days to the BIG 2-0 :O
4 days to the last day of 19
3 days till home sweet home for 9 days!
2 days till psyche interlearn is due
2 days to topshop student lock-in yayyyyy!!

but then...my mid-sem break won't be a bed of roses. all because of jrn assignment. hell with u jrn.. no scratch that! i want HD! so i m gonna have to work my ass off next week. after my birthday lah *this lazy girl winks*

in the form of a siamese cat,
u came.
thumbs up for joy:)

the title is weird :s

on the loose

had so much funnn:]

finished watching the little nyonya and can finally concentrate on my shit of assignments. well, theoretically speaking. went shopping and movie with kinta, oh i just love f21! if i m getting any angpaus on my birthday (not that i am stressing it) i know what to buy heee~ *grins broadly showing all teeth*

thx kinta for the leggings! feel so blessed to have friends by you, altho i won't be here in sunway to celebrate my birthday with them, but still love u guys! will miss all of you next week..

milo with oats you made my night with ftv assignment bearable:) sorta

bytheway, don't forget to drop by the Topshop student lock-in at pyramid this thursday! present your student ID and enjoy 20% discounts on regular-priced items. yay! oh it starts at 6pm. hope i can make it. so now back to my ftv. ugh

"do i really need them?" -- rebecca bloomwood
yes I do:)

happy birthday:)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUJIA!! if you are reading my blog hehe


had delicious cake with peach on top made by yujia's aunt by the poolside. romantic-nya:) haha

took some pics and proceeded to pyramid for sushi, sakae. their sashimi mori yu was fabulous, thick salmon sashimi slices, dipped in wasabi-saturated soy sauce, perfect match made in heaven! it was not cheap tho, but truly worth it!

pictures are not with me at the moment i'll post it up in a few-days time, after i am done with my FTV assignment and psyche interlearns. ugh they are hell i tell u.

oh before we had cake rita and yujia gave me a surprise! yay i love surprises:) rita told me that she wanted to surprise yujia with a bouquet of flowers, but i didnt have to pay my part. but i insisted on paying, cuz a bouquet of flowers in malaysia is not cheap, darn expensive even. she said"no lar no lar, cheap only, you don't have to pay lar." i kept on insisting i pay my part and then i gave up.

suddenly yujia came out of nowhere holding this big bouquet of 12 pink roses and said "gei ni de xiu."(for u, xiu) huh was my reaction. "advance birthday present from us," said rita with a big smile. so big ar her smile i tell u i wana hit her for lying to me!

i was dumbfounded but was very happy! double yay:D thx dears for that beautiful bouquet of flowers, really, thx soooo much it really made my day. to hell with those assignments! *grins*

all in all, really had a fun day, a much needed break from all the stoopid assignments, not like i really started any, but yea, it was lotsa fun going out with u girls and to act silly and be crazy and happy.

thx for everything:)

i see you smiling,

the sun shining,

birds singing,

flowers blooming.

i know then,

it was special,

the happy moments

we were having.

candles on the cake,

we started singing,

louder than the birds,

airwaves vibrating,

with the warmth of our hearts,

wishing you the happiest.

bits

i just realized that i have no recollections watsoever of the past few days. dunno why everything seem to fly by in a blur, nothing leaves footsteps. it dawns on me that i have never really paid any attention to the happenings around me the past days, not that i am having a total emo blackout, but yea, it scares me.

oh what the heck...mid term break is 8 days away. whee~~

CURRENTLY:

• regret putting the glade floral freshener in the wardrobe...the smell makes me nauseous..
• working on my contemporary film studies assignment
• watching the little nyonya compulsively

WILL:

• take out glade freshener and leave it in the bathroom
• watch another few episode of the little nyonya:)
• get on with journalism tute work
• facebook
• go through FTV notes hopefully
• sleep as early as possible

when i walk i miss you
when i talk i talk about you
when i smile i think of you
when my heart beats
it's because of you
♥

happy april fool's day :]