melancholia

sometimes when you are not what others think you are, you tend to go all mellow inside. sometimes when you are all mellow inside, you tend to retreat into your shell. under all those laughter and playful giggles, no one believes you are actually breaking up and being torn apart by the facade that you are putting up.like a clown putting on too much make-up, drawing a smile that is way bigger than what the heart portrays, pretending to be something larger than life; that in real-life, when the dream is over, the people all gone and the laughter fades, the mask strips off, leaving you to bleed under your own heartbreak and sadness, under the tears and the gurgled breaths that you take. suffocation, the walls are closing in, the phantom manifesting itself, the darkness that was once buried deep in the roots of the soul, suppressed until it can be concealed no more. no more, there is no more. no more happiness in the small hole that you called home, the empty space with no love and no hope, the space where the heart once lies. a beating heart, now substituted by a piece of glass, broken into a million pieces.

"melancholia"; blackhumour 201012011513

havent been writing alot like i used to, trying to channel my inner poet, inspired by the constant rain and grey skies that seemed to engulf the whole world this past week, making the house appear to be darker and gloomier than it usually is. even with the lights switched on and the wooden door open ajar, the world outside still feels dead, no cars on the street, no cats meowing like they used to, flowers and trees all bending their heads like they were saddened by this downpour too. where are the sunny laughter of kids at the playground? it is the school holidays, aren't they supposed to be out and about, chasing each other and riding bicycles and shrieking with joy going on the swings? what is childhood like today that it was not 20 years ago?

photo taken at bali